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THE WILD MAN OF THE AUSTRALIAN WOODS

Geelong Advertiser and Squatters' Advocate (Vic.)
Date: August 6, 1847
Page Number: 1
To the Editor of the Geelong Advertiser. Penetrating one day into the Cape Otway scrub, after ascending stupendous ranges, and descending rocky and difficult gullies, I came to a region of sandy hills, covered here and there by dense masses of scrub mingled with timber of enormous growth. It was about the middle of the day, when, after rounding several scrubhy patches, I found one in my way which seemed to extend to a great distance, and appeared to form an extensive valley surrounded by ranges of rock and sand; thick ferns and brielow scrub covered the surface in every direction, while enormous stringy-bark trees reared their mottled trunks to a gigantic height, seeming to look with disdain upon and over the thick mass of vegetation beneath. Here and there a deep creek would seem altogether to stop my way, but on being traced down or up, as seemed most convenient, offered a narrow whose banks were firm enough to allow my horse to leap from one to the other.
     After pushing my way for some time through the tangled under-growth, I suddenly emerged upon a more open spot, to the great delight of myself and horse; not a blade of grass was to be seen, but stout ferns reared themselves from the pure sand for some distance around a splendid waterhole that occupied the centre of the opening. Huge red gums surrounded the water on all sides, spreading their white and twisted limbs far over the still water, reflecting their tufted foliage in the glassy depths; the dark-trunked tern tree, too, with its coronet of leaves, added to the strangeness and beauty of the scene forming its magic bowers beneath its lower fronds. Not a leaf was moving, not a sound to be heard save the rustling tramp of my horse on the ferns around; not a bird, not a beast, nor a creeping thing appeared to disturb the awful stillness of nature.
     Slowly my horse stepped to the margin of the lake; the water at his footfall rippled gently on the glistening sand; I gazed into the mysterious depths as he was drinking, my spirits felt oppressed with the perfect solitude around, when, suddenly, a cold bristly hand was thrust down the back of my neck, and I found myself lifted from my saddle; so sudden was the motion that my hand slipped from the rein, while my horse gazing upward snorted with terror and dashed back upon the track he came. After being lifted a considerable height, and dragged roughly forward for some distance, I was thrown upon my back in a hollow upon a huge branch, which must have been formed by the wet getting into some fracture and causing a partial decay of the wood.
     I now saw to my surprise and terror the cause of my sudden change of position; a huge animal nearly corresponding to the ourang of the Eastern Archipelago was leaning over me, all his hands grasping the tree firmly; I struggled to raise myself into a posture of defence, when opening his huge gape he seized me across the face, and placing his hot tongue upon my lips sucked my breath to such an extent as to throw me into dreadful torture. I fancy I feel his canine teeth even now pressing upon my cheek, and my lungs collapsing with the deep inspirations of the monster, instinctively I ceased struggling, my efforts being worse than useless; upon finding me resist no longer, he seized me in the same manner as before, and lugged me away still farther into the tree, stopping on an enormonus bough nearly over the middle of the deep water; here he raised himself to his full height, which must have been over eight feet, rising me with his left arm and suddenly planting me on the limb beside him, my feet slipped from under me and I sank on my knees; I was unable to maintain my equilibrium, and I fell, clinging to the tree with my hands, expecting every moment to drop into the gloomy depth beneath; every second now seemed to me an hour, for I never expected to rise again.
     Slowly, the monster, as though seeing my exhausted state, lowered one of his hinder hands, and catching me by the belt threw me over and over into an opposite fork, as a man might throw a dead rabbit. The force with which I struck the branch hurt me severely, but yet I felt relieved at being rescued from the predicament in which I had been placed. I now endeavoured to place my self in a secure position, but while doing so my neckerchief caught on a projecting snag in such a manner as to compel me to loose it. The monster, who had been eyeing me steadfastly from the opposite bough, perceived me replace the kerchief, nd swinging himself to where I sat took it away from me and returned to his original position; there, squatting on his hams, he placed it round his neck, giving me an opportunity to observe unnoticed his horrid features, as he endeavoured to see the kerchief beneath his bristly beard.
     A thunder shower now rattled through the creaking branches, peal after peal reverberated among the dismal ranges, while one broad flash seemed to make all nature flinch again; all this time the monster sat scarcely moving a muscle, only once taking his eye off me to grin ferociously at the lurid glare. The rain which poured in copious streams from his wiry coat, had completely saturated my jacket, making it so heavy that I knew it would completely cripple me in the event of a last struggle; I therefore determined to remove it, and did so, hanging it on a neighboring branch. This motion evidently attracted the attention of the orang, but he did not move. I had now had time to consider my position, and it seemed evident to me that if I was to get away at all it must be by stratagem.
     The sun was now falling, throwing long shadows on the distant hills, the mists of evening already whitened the bottom of those deep gullies, the air too began to grow cold, and as I feared to move I felt it much. I now dropped all idea of using force even in the last extremity, and assumed the covering I so much needed. No sooner had I put my arms into my jacket than the orang bounded towards me, and seating himself within arms length examined me minutely. He first seized my jacket, and I thought he would have taken my arms with it, but by a dexterous twist I disengaged myself; he then seized my cap, which was a southwester; I quickly untied the string with which it was secured, and he placed it on his own head, but as fortune would have it the wrong side before. I immediately saw that this would impede his vision, and saw my advantage.
     I offered gently to tie the string, which rather coyly he permitted. He now seemed to think that I would come to pieces altogether, for seizing me by the hair he took out a handful; however, that much satisfied him. He then seized me by the waistband of my trowsers, and as they were of strong texture he soon showed me that if I did not release myself I should have my back broken; I therefore reluctantly removed them, which seemed greatly to astonish him, I laid them by me as his attention now seemed turned to myself. The broad flap of the southwester seemed to annoy him by falling over his eyes, but at last he made it lay back over his forehead, when he made a figure I shall scarcely forget, but though grotesque never to be remembered by me without a shudder. I now hoped he was satisfied with his inspection, and began to put on my trousers, but this seemed just what he wanted, for I had no sooner put them on than he had them off again, and thrusting his enormous feet through them edeavoured to pull them up, but as they were certainly never made for such proportions this would not do.
     Finding his efforts useless he balanced himself well on the branch, and began to put on the jacket; this he did to admiration as to one of the sleeves, but the other for some minutes bothered him much: waving it backwards and forwards on one arm hhe twisted it once or twice, and at last got his hand firmly into the other sleeve; a sudden puff of wind blew the flap of the south wester down over his eyes, I saw the chance, and drawing my fist to my shoulder with the energy of despair, I gave him a crack under the ear and sent him roaring into the water below.
     How I descended the tree I cannot say, but I reached the ground in safety, and there being light enough I took the track my horse had twice passed, "fear added wings to my speed," and after tearing along for about half-a-mile, I found my horse stopped by the bridle catching a fallen tree; here in all probability he would have soon starved had I not been rescued in so singular a manner.
     Mounting, I threw the bridle on the neck of my starved steed, knowing that if his instinct would not take me home nothing else would. After being desperately scratched and torn we gained the open country, when my steed determined to put out all his strength, for he dashed by moonlight through the bush at a pace which soon brought me to my hut door. Should any one have seen me thus going at headlong speed, naked, torn, and bleeding, I must surely have been taken for a phantom rider.

MONALLGAM.
The Wild Man of the Australian Woods 1847
Yowie / Bigfoot
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Southwester

A waterproof hat of material such as plastic, oilskin, or canvas, with a broad brim behind to protect the neck.
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Sydney Chronicle (NSW)
Date:August 28, 1847
Page Number: 4
 
After this, he got safe home to his hut, and so ends this "monster" story. It is unnecessary to say that we cannot imagine any person so absurd as to believe one word of this Baron Munchausen rigmarole. It is, however, a good "twister," and only for its clumsiness, would do honor to the inventive genius of the writer. We would advise him not to lose much time in favouring the public with his adventure No. 2.
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Munchausen rides on a cannon ball.
Hairy man:

SOUTHERN
VICTORIA
FANTASY